I am sitting now in the East Hampton library, quietly by myself. It is the “by myself” part that is hard to get used to. I remember dreaming about this day. For a while it seemed that I was never without a child attached to me in some way, either in my womb or at my breast. Then even when I would have time alone, I don’t even know if you can call it alone because there was a purpose to my mission – a doctor’s appointment, work, maybe the dentist. I remember my MIL actually saying that my children would never be able to separate from me. Well, if she could see me now. I am alone. The kids are off doing what kids do and now mom is left finding out what she does. I think the impact of this life change is even more pronounced because I’m not working right now, so it is time to find me again.
When I was in high school, I recall writing a poem about me, myself, and I where I felt that I was not an integrated person because there was the me that I truly was, the me that I projected to others, and the me that I was expected to be. I have long since worked that out, but somehow in the hustle and bustle of diapers and Girl Scouts, cooking dinner and work, I forgot to be me. I knew who I was. I just didn’t have time to do it. I didn’t even have a moment to go to the bathroom by myself. I was in survival mode just trying to get from one project to the next. Now as a lady of leisure I have time to explore me, to write me, to create me. I must admit I am a little intimidated by the clay sitting in front of me waiting to be worked. These next years with more me time may be the most prolific of my life. What will I do with them?
As you have had more me time, what new things have you done? What have you found worthwhile?