How to be Sexy

  You know that old phrase, "beauty is only skin deep"; well, I am beginning to think that it doesn't even run that deep.  Recently my daughter has been pushing me to try colored and patterned bras.  I've got to say that I was hesitant at first, but relented and tried. I'm hooked, literally.  Wearing sexy bras, makes me feel sexier. 

I'm not quite as adventurous as my daughter, who would wear a bra like this:

She thinks the more colors the better.  But I definitely have turned a corner.  My most recent purchase:

which I guess is pretty racy and certainly way beyond my traditional white or beige that I have worn for the first half of my life.

The best thing is that I swear when I put on these bras I feel prettier, sexier, more attractive.  The only one that sees them (except for an occasional bra strap - my bra straps are forever peaking out) are me and my husband, but I would bet that others see the different attitude that I have been exuding because of my new underclothes.

Ironically, I was talking to the minister's wife the other day and she admitted the same thing.  Her daughter had been encouraging her to get out of the grandma underwear.  She pulled her shoulder strap out and bared a purple strap.

In fact I heard on the radio this phenomenon is not just a local one: http://health.msn.com/womens-health/daughters-seem-to-influence-mothers-fashion-sense .  Daughters in general are affecting mom's dressing habits.  I don't think I'll ever be as cool as her, but she definitely has uplifted my spirits and my sex appeal.

Mother Daughter Time

Finding time to spend with your daughter is critical.  As they get older, it may be harder and harder and schedule, but truly they need your time more now than they did when they were little.

Yesterday, as all the men were away,  dd and I had a morning and evening time.  Of course the morning was getting up at 4am for the Royal Wedding.  I personally found this special, because I remember getting up at 4 am for Diana and Fergie's weddings.  Unfortunately, when I was a child, I got up alone.  To get up with my daughter and share this special memory was wonderful (I think I did nod off a bit - we were up until midnight the night before).

Last night, we had to do some errands and so we shared a dinner together and then came back for one of our favorite mother daughter times.  We did a foot soak with a hand and foot massage while we watched a movie. 

The foot soak recipe is so easy.  I'm not even sure where we picked it up, but it is simply: hot water, powdered milk, and a few drops of extract (we use almond).  We put the mixture in a large aluminum foil tray (one for each) on towels and make sure that everything is within a hand's reach so that we don't have to be disturbed. And then after soaking a while, we use salt and oil as a scrub.  We follow that with a hand and foot rub with handcreams from Bath and Body Works; specifically, my daughter loves Moonlight Path.

Not only did we have some wonderful food (Farmer's Market deep dish pizza at Uno's), great conversation, but the pampering reminded me of when dd what a baby and I would give her a baby massage. There is something about touch that creates intimacy and reminds us that we are all human.

If you think your baby is all grown up and doesn't need you anymore, you are wrong. Take time today to schedule a date with your daughter, whether she is 16, 36, or 56.   You will both benefit from the time.

Throwing a Sweet 16 Party

A sweet 16 to many girls is like a segment of the MTV show, Sweet 16

My Super Sweet 16 - MTV Shows

but it doesn't need to be like this.  Sometimes simple is more unforgettable than over the top (and frankly, way more affordable.).  We had DD's 16th at my cousin's tea room with 6 girls and 6 adults.  Four of these girls that have been together since DD was in pre-school.  This is our Girl Scout troop.  A group of friends that I hope will last long after they age out of the Scouting program.  I reminded them after the toast what a special group of friends they are and that they have something rare that I hope they will work to preserve.  They were certainly the perfect group to celebrate this special day.

Don't worry, this is sparkling cider, but just another touch that made the day super special.  What do the 16 year olds really want?  I think they just want to feel "adult".  They want to feel like a new section of their life has begun.  So this was a delightful way to celebrate the birth of my baby girl.  We had assorted yummies from cucumber sandwiches to American scones to hand made heart chocolates.  I think it all translated into an unforgettable day. 

This is the birthday girl and me at the celebration!  The only negative is that I think, based on a comment today, that dear husband (her father) felt a little left out.  I guess I need to learn to share my princess a bit.

Why New Mothers Really Don't Need Sleep

16 years ago today my baby girl was born.  It amazes me all that I didn't know that day.  Now she is taller than me (and possibly smarter than me - but don't tell her that).  No matter how much everyone tells you to cherish every moment, it is hard to internalize that when you are changing pooppy diapers, cleaning up spit up, and are completely sleep deprived; but truly, time moves in a flash and the next thing you will know that little baby will be getting ready to drive.  It is amazing to think that my baby will be leaving the nest in the next few years.  She's ready to get her driver's licence.  She is signing up for college courses this summer.  It is a far cry from that first night when I wondered what idiot decided to leave the hospital early as I could not settle her down and no longer had a call nurse button.

So skip the sleep and enjoy every moment.

Happy Birthday, Baby Girl!

Blog to Learn

I found this on Edu-tube, but it is as relevant to homeschoolers as it is to regular school children.



If you want to see my daughter's blog, check out A Cup of Tea with Mom and Me.  Theoretically it is both or ours, but realistically it is more hers than ours.  And I would agree it has been a great platform to improve her writing.  It certainly isn't her only writing, but I will tell you that I don't have to beg her or plead with her to post.  It is all her and if you look through it from beginning to end, you will see that she has shown a great deal of development.  So after reviewing all the safety rules with your children, encourage them to Blog ON.

Can a Homeschooler get into college?

One of homeschooling parent's worst fears is: have I done enough to help get my child into college.  Ok, maybe I am projecting my fear, but I do know some other parents who share this fear.  Well, we have actually now taken a partial step toward alleviating this fear.  Last night DD took her placement exams at the community college.  Mind you DD is technically a Sophomore in high school, but it has been my plan that she begin working on her Associates degree in the last two years of high school and then transfer to a four year school for her Bachelor's.  She then has it planned to go on for her Master's in Library Science at Simmons College in Boston (yes, this may be a little specific and hopeful, but she actually has already toured the campus and talked to a professor there and I think her heart is set).  She placed well on the exam.  So I can begin to breathe a little easier.  Next step will be registration for either summer session or fall and then it is up to her from there . . . Now, I just have to worry about her brother.  That one may be a little more complicated.

Planning a Sweet Sixteen Birthday

Can you believe that it is almost that time?  My sweet daughter is about to turn 16.

So as everyone knows, 16 is the time for that time honored tradition of a sweet 16 party.  Unfortunately, not everyone is bi-statal (My new word for half living in two different states.  We lived in CT for the first 14 years of her life and have lived here now almost two year).  What does this mean for a 16th birthday party?  It makes it very difficult.  Where do you have it? Who do you invite?  She has made a few friends up here, but not as many as she had down there.  But now we've been gone from down there long enough that some friendships aren't what they used to be.  Needless to say, we have opted out of the traditional big shin dig and have decided to do a small but very special day at my cousin's tea shop, Tea Roses Tea Room.

We have planned a delightful afternoon tea and have rented out their back room. We have been very blessed with a tight knit Girl Scout troop that will travel anywhere to do anything together and so we are keeping it small with all the girls and their mom's (these girls have been together since Daisies).  After what I'm sure will be an unforgettable afternoon (it always is with this group), I suggested to DD that she contact an old friend to go to the movies.  DD and her friend haven't seen each other in a while but talk on Facebook, texting, etc almost every day.  So I'm hoping although this may not be the bash that she once dreamed of, but  that it will be unforgettable anyway. 

I will keep you posted on how the actual day turns out.

Homeschooling Home Economics

As the kids are getting older homeschooling is morphing. While we still have our core curriculum, their interests and desires mold our learning schedule to a much greater degree. This week we were very lucky that DD's desires including cooking. I almost think that I have taught her too well and so when she hears the wants and desires of someone, she tries to fulfill them. This week that meant cupcakes and a pumpkin pie and next month, Irish soda bread. One friend of hers from the library complained that her birthday had been kind of pushed aside and forgotten; thus, the cupcakes. Then at our libraries auction, the director lost the raffle for the pumpkin pie that was offered, so DD had to offer to make her one (homemade crust and everything). Of course if you make a pie for someone else, there is an unwritten rule that you must make one for the family. The kids instituted this rule when I made pies for the church dinners. This was the first time I got to be the recipient of the rule.

Watching her cook and successfully complete these yummy items really made me feel confident about her future. I know it sounds silly in this day and age, but being able to cook and have some wifely skills is a good thing (even if she chooses never to be a wife, she will appreciate these skills herself). There are a lot of useless things I learned in school: facts, figures, and formulas that I will never ever use again in my life, but homemaking skills I use everyday and am thankful to those that taught me. Sometimes we can get so politically correct in this country we loose some important information along the way.

I have heard from the director who says I should give her an "A" for the pie. And please don't tell DD about the facts and figures part. She tries to get out of math work as it is.

How do our children grow from little girls to young women?

How do you know when you children are growing up?  You know when you go to a wedding and they are no longer dancing with Dad, uncles, and grandfathers.  You know when you can see boys checking her out and one obviously crushed when she danced with another.  When did this happen?  When did she go from a cute little girl dancing on her daddy's feet to a young woman.  I swear I only blinked and she is all grown up.

Perhaps I should call it "just call me slave"

Time seem to be speeding by. I don't think I've seen a news cast in months. I know I haven't picked up a needle and thread (except to sew on a button on some one's pants) since before Christmas. And I'm seriously behind in posting. I'm beginning to think my new blog should be called "Just call me Slave" instead of "Just call me Woman". You would not think adding one child could take up so much time, but wow - time seems to slip through like water in a colander.

I often think back to the activity that our trainers shared with us in MAPP class about rejuvenating ourselves and making sure that we can fill ourselves up so that we can fill up our foster child, but the question is "When?". When should I do this? By 8:00 pm I'm yawning wondering when bedtime is. How can I rejuvenate when I can't even get my chores done?

I steal moments to read as I wait in doctor's waiting rooms or as I am waiting for school to get out. I've even reverted back to books and magazines in the bathroom (just 5 minutes please).

I was hoping to get a rare treat this weekend when DH and the boys were traveling to go Cod Fishing in RI. DD and I were all set to have an all girls weekend. We even took out four movies, have our books stacked, and have the recipe for a great foot bath. But the Cod fishing trip is now questionable, clouds are looming on the horizon and waves are rising in the sea. The boat may not go out. I don't think I have ever been so disappointed in a cancelled trip - especially one I'm not even going on. My husband is not sure what to make of my excitement for his absence, but truthfully it is not his absence that I'm looking forward to: It is the freedom to do some of the things I enjoy doing if only for the weekend.

If any of you know the anti-rain dance, please start dancing now. The slave wants a weekend off.

Friendship braclets with a twist

DD is a friendship bracelet addict. She even has medium sized safety pins on her Christmas list (so that she can easily pin the threads to her pants for proper knotting). She always carries multiple colors of thread in her purse so that she can pull out her project at any moment. In doing so recently, she has extended her bracelets to a necklace (see in the picture to the right). Unlike bracelets which are often knotted on for life, she added a toggle so that the necklace can come off. I think she is going to try adding a charm to the next one.

I find this hobby interesting because it is such a timeless and universal craft. Friendship bracelets have been made since I was little. So don't be surprised this Christmas when you open your Christmas gift and find a DD original.

Family Traditions Revived

One of the questions on our foster care in-take questionnaire is about traditions. What traditions did you grow up with? What traditions have you added? What ones have you gotten rid of? and of course, the always present "why?" Well today, an old tradition was revived. Eight years after my mother's death, her caroleers are set up for Christmas again. My father finally admitted that he wasn't going to set them up again and if I wanted them I could have them. I didn't even hesitate. I went up to the attic and had them packed in my car before he could even finish his sentence. My mother loved these Caroleers. She took exquisite care in setting them up and made elaborate landscapes for them. I had to take a slightly different approach and encourage my daughter to think a little outside the box. We did not have to do it exactly like Grandma. In fact, we couldn't do it exactly like her, but now they are out all around the house. I realize it is a little early for Christmas, but it was either lug the boxes to the attic in order to lug them all back out in three weeks or just set them up and carry empty boxes. I opted for the later and the extra three weeks will make up for some of the time they have spent in boxes over the past 8 years.

This is but a sampling of the little scenes now created all over my house. I will not need to add to this collection at all.

Two other fun Christmas traditions in our house are cutting a fresh tree and making a gingerbread house, both I'm sure will be featured in up-coming blogs. What holiday traditions do you have?

We are official volunteers

It was a big day in our household. DD and I posed for our official Old Sturbridge Village volunteer badges.

This is a bigger deal than you might think. As a homeschooler, DD has never had a photo ID and has been frustrated a few times when this came up. Most of her friends have school ID's, but we have no need for them. Once, she even made up our homeschool ID's, but this volunteer badge will be a real photo ID. I think possibly for one moment all the dressing up was worth it for her. I think that she will cherish this ID for a long time. It won't be long until she has a driver's licence to replace it, but for now today was a big day in the life of a teenager.

2012 will it be the End of Days

One of the great lines in Girl Scout Law is "Use resources wisely." This phrase repeats in my mind in so many different ways. In this case, DD and I used our resources to find some free educational resources. DD checked the computer and found a free seminar at a nearby college. I think this is a great way to get DD acclimated to the college world. She will get to see campuses and sit through real lectures. I realize that she doesn't have "homework" and such, but it is a good first step.

Today's lecture was on the Mayan Calendar and how it supports or does not support the current mania of human annihilation in 2012. The speaker Dr. Edwin Barnhart has worked extensively on the Mayan Civilization. His work is primarily in archaeology and research, but even he understands the interest in 2012. The lecture was fascinating. Proof of that came when he said that he had to wrap it up as he was out of time and DD turned to me and said it couldn't be over yet. It was more that an hour past lunch and she hadn't even thought about it until the class was over. She took over 5 pages of notes.

We have also taken free lectures on King Tut and the history of the wolf. With many, many more colleges just a short ride from our home now, I think that we will be attending many more.

I did have to admit to my husband that it did cost something, because DD and I had a delicious lunch together. Mother / daughter time is very important me and something I intend to continue even after we add a new child to our life.

Remebering a Loved One

Losing a loved one is horrible. It is lonely, heart wrenching, and can consume you like a flame sucks oxygen from the air. Today is the eighth anniversary of my mother’s death. In June of 2001, she was diagnoses with esophageal cancer. Four months later, she passed away.

I do not tell you this for pity or understanding of my loss, but to inspire you. In the loss of my mother and others who I have loved dearly, I have seen grief impact people both positively and negatively. It seems strange to say that grief can impact you positively, but I firmly believe that if the person had a positive impact in your life then you have the obligation to let their death also positively impact you. Your loved one misses you as much as you do they. They do not wish their death to hurt you, although they know it will.

In the eight years since my mother passed, I have really thought about this issue. I have thought about what she would want me to take from her life. I know she would never have left if she could have helped it and I have found in the years since, that she really hasn’t left me. I find her in the ring I wear, the fabrics I use, my kitchen utensils. More importantly, I have made an effort to keep her with us. I donate flowers in her name at church. I use the items she left behind to impact others in a positive way. I speak of her often to my children.

Death pains us. But what do we say of the one we lost, if we let it consume us as well. Does this behavior honor their memory or tarnish it? Think of those that you have lost. How can you remember them well?

Develop Yourself through Drawing

In Massachusetts, one of the required courses to cover is drawing. I personal find demanding people to draw is bizarre concept. How do you call a muse? I do understand allowing kids to have the opportunity to draw if they are so inclined and providing materials toward this end. Anyway, I explained to the kids that we did need to investigate drawing to meet this “requirement”, but that I intended this to be very informal and they could investigate and draw whatever they wished as long as they did at least one drawing a week.

DS loves drawing and this really wasn’t a big deal for him. I have also used drawing as a way for him to understand and remember his science facts.

DD, on the other hand, is very frustrated by her drawing ability. She is very hard on herself and angry when her drawings don’t come out perfectly, so I was very surprised when she took this task to heart and on her own found a subject of interest and began her drawings. DD is very interested in fashion and design, so she pulled her subject matter from Vogue. She focused on advertisements by designers that intrigued her (although she proclaims she is not ready to try to draw a model).

This has been interesting from both a drawing perspective and also in an advertising perspective as she has noticed how the photographers, ad agents, and designers work together to emphasize their products. I also find it interesting because her interest reminds me so much of myself when I was her age. I loved fashion. I drew and drew and drew so many designs you can’t even imagine. It is funny to see your own interests emerge from your children. Do they arise because they are near you? Do they arise unrelated to yours? Or is there some genetic seed that grows from soul outward?

This week I did try to look a little deeper at her drawing and critic her drawing a bit- Trying to draw her eye toward dimension. This is of course difficult when you are drawing from a flat picture. So I tried to show her how to focus on detail and focused just on the one slouch boot in the Payless ad that she had picked out.

I think she was a little frustrated by my apparent ease at drawing, but I tried to tell her that I never was a “good drawer”. It wasn’t until it didn’t matter if I failed that I did better. Perfection is not the goal – perception is and no one’s perception is the same. You cannot do art wrong. You are your own worst enemy. I think in the long run, this study will be as important in the development in her drawing as it will be in the development of herself.

It is all in a name

When DH and I were pregnant with DD (15 years ago), we had a big debate on her middle name. Although her first name was a gift from God and was just known to be her name, her middle name seemed elusive. We joked that it should start with an “F” so that her initials matched that of the family business, but DH said that the “F” should stand for Fox. Although I thought it sounded pretty cool, I remembered the middle name reveal that occurred for every child around middle school. I figured DD would not appreciate Fox too much at that age. I, also, could not imagine myself hollering her name out. I could just imagine the other parents looking at me thinking “Did she say what I thought she said?” I tried to convince him that Faith would be an acceptable replacement, but he wasn’t crazy about it. We bantered back and forth for weeks until we went in a completely different direction and gave her the middle name of Troi. Several of you are wondering how this is any better than Fox, but there are a few of you who are saying that is cool, because you know the origin.

Troi comes from Deanna Troi that was an empath on the Star Trek Enterprise during the Next Generation series. Uniquely, Deanna has the ability to discern other people’s feelings. She couldn’t quite read their minds, but she could feel if they were being honest or not. She also had the honor of being the highest ranking female officer on the Enterprise. We thought this was a perfect name for all that we could hope for our DD and so we both agreed that Troi was perfect. And so it has been. . .

Flash forward to today; DD has now embarked to live up to her name. We always took the name to be symbolic representing strength, courage, empathy, etc. Yesterday, she has begun the path that may potentially lead her toward it being an accurate description. DD went to her first Sea Cadet drill. She has been talking about an interest in the Navy for several years and she is very excited about the opportunity to see if this may be a direction from her life. Sea Cadets is a Youth organization that prepares children from the Navy or Coast Guard. It will allow her the opportunity to participate in any of the trainings that the adults do and if she chooses the Navy as the direction for her life then she will be ahead of the other enlisted men and woman. I think it is certainly too early to say if she will stick with it or not. I can tell you that she was extremely enthusiastic about it after visiting this week and that we will be back for the next drill in two weeks.

So I guess the moral of the story is that you better think long and hard about the name that you give your child because perhaps you are subconsciously edging them toward that future.

I Want to Suck Your Blood

Yesterday, DD and I volunteered at a local Blood Drive. At the last blood drive we went to, frankly my first, I couldn’t give blood. I just don’t have enough iron. While the Red Cross says that I can keep trying, I have been borderline anemic my entire life and thus why I hadn’t given before and I think there is a reality of knowing that while I may be better than I’ve been my entire life, my blood is not strong enough to share. But to volunteer, no iron is necessary and so DD and I spent a few hours checking donors in and making sure that no one fainted.

Interestingly, the day tied into a sermon a few weeks ago at church about the “reasons” for death and pain. I learned that the woman who had announced the need for volunteers at church was organizing these blood drives in memory of a daughter that she lost to cancer. She shared this with me as she herself was on the table donating with her other three children nearby. She had taken her grief and turned it into a wonderful life giving gift to hundreds and thousands of other people in need. A pebble in the water leaving ripples that ring ever larger. One small pebble, one large impact.

If you can give, I encourage you to donate. If you can’t donate, then perhaps you too can volunteer. Call 1-800-GIVE-LIFE or check out their website.

Girl Scout Silver Award

Last night was a big night in our household, DD was awarded her Girl Scout Silver Award. We had a wonderful night at a local (to our old hometown) eatery which the owner let us use after hours.

This award is the culmination of three years of work. If you are familiar with the Silver Award, check out the Girl Scout website that explains it. Interestingly, the girls were a little frustrated when their first project ideas were shot down and they ended up “only” planning a bag-a-badge day for younger scouts. However, I think that they learned more in this process than they anticipated. Usually / up until now, we moms really made sure that everything went ok. We reminded them about all deadlines, picked up any loose ends that they had left. This time they were on their own. There were struggles and difficulties, but they persevered. I think they learned a lot. DD ended up teaching an Art segment. Art is not her forte so she had to work extra hard to become an expert. She basically almost self created an art appreciate course for herself in order to be ready for teaching the class. Better than that, I did not have to force her to do it. She knew what had to be done and pushed herself. We did though have a night where they presented their course to the other girls in our troop and a few special guests before the actual program. This was a very worthwhile process as all of the girls were more open to the critique of each other and the guests as opposed to the same leaders again. The day went of wonderfully.

It was wonderful to pin my daughter with the same Silver Award that I received 25 odd years ago, but I hoping that she will go onto to earn the Gold, which I did not.

Two notes:
One I think that Scouts is a great addition to any homeschool curriculum. It reinforced the morals that most people strive to build in their children. It encourages them to explore their interests and is a great social outlet.

If you are interested to see what DD included in her Bronze Award, check out Bottles of Hope. This is a great service project for anyone that is looking for one and was extra special as one of our mothers was battling cancer at the time. The DD and one of the other girls in the troop taught other troops how to make the bottles and then gathered all those that were created, baked them, and delivered them to the cancer ward at St. Francis.

Back from the Vineyard

My life is longer now. They say laughter asks minutes to your life. If that is true then I added weeks if not whole months in the past couple of days. Martha's Vineyard was fantastic.

Some of the best lines from the week:

While reading Trivial Pursuit questions at a restaurant, "What is the name of a field purposely left unplanted for a year while the soil replenishes?"

Emphatically, one of the mom's responds, "Family Feud". We have no idea what she thinks she heard, but we all got a good laugh. The real answer, by the way, was "Fallow".

A poster we read, "Put on your Granny Panties and Get over it". I'm still not sure why the girls thought this was so funny, but it became their mantra for the weekend.

While looking at a beautiful pie plate with an Irish Soda Bread recipe in the center, I commented, "I wonder why they put this in a round plate?"

One of the mom's, "Because when you put the dough into and bake it, the bread will come out that way."

A look of wonder and a wave of laughter overtook me and one of the other moms, "I don't think that is quite what she meant."

I'll try to share some more of our wonderful trip tomorrow, including information about two of my favorite shops & one of the best artists I have ever seen.