Monday, December 8, 2008

I'm so darn angry at my husband: The Secret to a long marriage

Actually, today’s entry originally may have contained a long rant about my darn husband and then as I got in my car (we were switch cars on my way to work because he left his work late), I saw a diet coke, a 3 Musketeers bar, and a tiny note of apology. So instead this is an entry about 17 years of marriage and the secret to a long marriage – forgiveness and the willingness to forgiveness.

Many of my blog friends have been writing about the days they met their partners and how they got engaged. After being married for 17 years and together for over 20, I have come to realize that while our courtship was exciting and that it makes a good story, it is such a small part of the magic of our relationship. The magic comes in forgiveness, commitment, supportiveness, and working toward common goals.

Love is such a difficult word to define. Many of us want to be in love and be loved, but what does that mean to you . . . specifically. Many love affairs begin in the physical passion, but passion can only feed a relationship to such a point. There are times of anger, hurt, frustration, and strain. What then? Be committed enough to want to work on it, be supportive of the other person so that they feel comfortable to express their feelings, be willing to apologize if you’ve hurt the other person, be willing to accept an apology. If you want a long marriage, be ready to have good days and bad, to go through hard times and prosperous, to endure hardships and to flourish. Although no one enjoys the hard times this may be the time of the greatest growth in your relationship. That is why a marriage is a partnership. It is fun to sun bathe and swim with a lover, but there is truly nothing more reassuring than knowing that your partner has your back when you are under pressure.

So to my husband, if he ever finds this blog, I love you and thank you for thinking of my feelings.

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