God, Our Inspirer

I have to say that this first semester a seminary is tough.  The school is tough, but what really is making it difficult is the balance - work, family, school is not an ideal equation.  The other day when my poor son was complaining that he had hurt his finger, I actually contemplated how I was going to fit taking him to the doctor in my schedule (Good thing I made it a priority since it turned out to be a fracture).

One evening I had a bit of a breakdown when my loving husband commented that he had my back.  I would say in general, he does, but as I was cooking dinner and the rest of the family was watching tv, I didn't feel like people had my back.  I had a major paper due and needed to get some work done and yet, after a full day of work, I was still doing family work, before I could get to what I needed to.  When my husband said, "Don't worry.  I have your back."  I responded rabidly, "NO, no you don't.  If I'm here cooking, no one has my back."  I think he knew he had kind of stepped in it.  However, I will tell you that no one did come in to take over the domestic responsibilities.

It was at this point that God and I had a bit of a conversation.  I wondered if this was just all a big mistake:  I love begin in school and am fascinated by all that I am learning.  I feel at home at the pulpit,  but maybe this wasn't the right time.  I thought, "I want this, but maybe God doesn't."  Immediately, I felt, "I am you, and you are me.  You feel you should do this because I want you to do this."  I need to worry no more. . .But I don't think that it is going to make the work any easier, but it does bring a lot of peace.

So I ask you what God is inspiring you to do?

Can you find a Tomatillo in your grocery store?

I had a revelation yesterday at the grocery store.  Some of you more exotic cooks may already know this, but those of you that are just beginning some experimentation may not.  Do you know that we are not all shopping in the same grocery store.  Ok, I know that what I find in my grocery store vs. what is found in Spain or some other foreign country is totally different.  I know that if I am making some rare Martha Stewart 20 ingredient masterpiece, I'll have to go to a chef store.  I'm not talking about that. I'm talking about regular recipes out of Cooking Light or Taste of Home.

I had to find Flank Steak for one recipe.  Ironically another woman was looking for the same thing.  We scoured the steaks to no avail.  We finally asked the butcher.  He said, "We don't get too much of a call for flank steak at this store.  We don't always have it."  Ok, I can understand that. 

Next,  I was searching for tomatilloes.  It didn't help that I didn't even know what I was looking for.  I could find them neither fresh, nor canned, so I asked my helpful fresh produce stock boy who promptly pulled out his vegetable book to show me what one was.  Apparently, it is in nightshade family.  But alas, there was none in this store.  He advised me that if I went to the Chicopee store (about 20 minutes away), they carry them.  What?  A store 20 minutes away from the same grocery chain has different food on a regular basis.  What am I missing?  I think I becoming adventurous, but I've only scratched the surface.  Alas,  there is even more on this planet to see and do than I already know.

What interesting food have you found in a recipe that you have never used before?

Challenge:  Go to a grocery store that you don't normally frequent and search out the differences.  Try something new.

Mother Daughter Time

Finding time to spend with your daughter is critical.  As they get older, it may be harder and harder and schedule, but truly they need your time more now than they did when they were little.

Yesterday, as all the men were away,  dd and I had a morning and evening time.  Of course the morning was getting up at 4am for the Royal Wedding.  I personally found this special, because I remember getting up at 4 am for Diana and Fergie's weddings.  Unfortunately, when I was a child, I got up alone.  To get up with my daughter and share this special memory was wonderful (I think I did nod off a bit - we were up until midnight the night before).

Last night, we had to do some errands and so we shared a dinner together and then came back for one of our favorite mother daughter times.  We did a foot soak with a hand and foot massage while we watched a movie. 

The foot soak recipe is so easy.  I'm not even sure where we picked it up, but it is simply: hot water, powdered milk, and a few drops of extract (we use almond).  We put the mixture in a large aluminum foil tray (one for each) on towels and make sure that everything is within a hand's reach so that we don't have to be disturbed. And then after soaking a while, we use salt and oil as a scrub.  We follow that with a hand and foot rub with handcreams from Bath and Body Works; specifically, my daughter loves Moonlight Path.

Not only did we have some wonderful food (Farmer's Market deep dish pizza at Uno's), great conversation, but the pampering reminded me of when dd what a baby and I would give her a baby massage. There is something about touch that creates intimacy and reminds us that we are all human.

If you think your baby is all grown up and doesn't need you anymore, you are wrong. Take time today to schedule a date with your daughter, whether she is 16, 36, or 56.   You will both benefit from the time.

Gifts that Go Beyond Christmas

This year one of the most incredible gifts that I received came from my Aunt Judy.  My aunt and uncle began working on our genealogy several years ago and gifted us with a terrific volume of information which they continue to keep up.  This year though they added a whole new element.  In their travels, they discovered that one of our relatives William H. Shaw kept a war diary between the years of 1861 - 1865.  She got permission to borrow the hand written document and transcribed the entire document into a typewritten document which she had copied and spiral bound for all of the branches of the family.

I actually spent my Christmas Day reading this diary.  Some days are boring and quick, but many pass on information that made me cry and cringe.  Stories of men dying, their blood splattering across him.  Stories of stealing split rail fences to make fires.  Stories of penning notes for fallen comrades. This is a Christmas present that will be cherished not just by me but for generations to come.

I'm thinking if I could find one of the many letters William H. Shaw talks of writing,  I could possible say thank you well enough.

Here are the notes from his diary on December 31st, 1864 that should make you realize how truly blessed we are:

"31st, Saturday. Stormy, some snow, this is the last day of the year.  How many commenced the year with high hopes and expectations? but how soon blasted.  How many who commenced the coming year will live to see its close.  Shall I?  God grant that I may live to see my friends once more."

FYI - he does live to see his family again, except a daughter who dies while he is in service.  The second to last entry on Sunday, July 2nd, 1965 says, Pleasant, we were paid off and got our discharge papers today, and it has been one of the happiest days of my life.  A free man and a citizen once more.

May you all be blessed in this coming year and may none of you endure what our relatives did during that bloody time in our history.

Christmas Cards are Posted

This year seems to be flying by.  I barely have time to breathe. So I am more thankful than ever for DD.  She actually wrote our Christmas newsletter and created our Picniked picture.  My only job was to get them printed off and stamp them.  She even addressed the envelopes.  And even with all that help, I didn't get them out until today.  So for those of you in Cyber Space, here  is your Christmas Card:

We wish you a Merry Christmas and a Happy New Year!

Hints to Keep Your Sanity When You Start a New Job

I have started a new job.  I took a part-time 20 hour a week or so job, but right now they need a little more of my time so I have been working about 30 hours which certainly makes life a little tight with all of my other volunteering, homeschooling, and trying to continue to visit our former foster child and help my father (who lives about 1.5 hours away).  So far I have found a few things has really helped keep me on track:

1. Lay out your clothes the night before.
2. Update the kids' chore chart and make sure that they keep up their end of the bargain.
3. Don't add any more responsibilities until you acclimate to the new schedule.
4. Be regimented when you are getting  ready then you won't forget anything and the family will know what to expect.
5. Write out homeschool plans and set a scheduled time aside to review their work or go over new ideas.
6. Take advantage of mail order medications, direct deposit, etc.  The more you can limit running around the more time you will have at home and prevent yourself from feeling like a spinning top.
7. Plan to share your child driving / responsibilities with your spouse.
8. Plan dinner before you leave in the morning.  Take out any foods that need to defrost etc.  Use the crock pot wisely.
9. Write your calendar out for the rest of the family so they know what to work around.
10. Use your time wisely.  Plan out your trips to include several stops. Pre-post your blog. Multi-task i.e. review homework and wash dishes at the same time.

As I continue with this job, I'm sure that I will come by even more hint that I will pass along and if you have any, I would love to hear them.

Third Hand Smoke

My son enlightened me on third hand smoke the other day.  "Mom, do you know what third hand smoke is?"

"I'm not sure what you are talking about."

"First hand smoke is when you smoke yourself.  Second hand is when you are breathing someone else's smoke.  Third hand smoke is the smoke that emanates off of couches and other fabrics for days or months after someone has smoked."

I'm never sure where he comes up with this information.  Lately, he's had all sorts of little nuggets from the John Tesh radio show which apparently he falls asleep to.  Suddenly, he'll tell me about how drinking water helps you lose weight or that apples really keep the dentist away not the doctor.  Dear Son has become just a wealth of knowledge. 

Of course sadly, we unwillingly did an experiment on third hand smoke the other day after visiting my father.  My dad had thoughtfully pulled all the yellow jelly beans out of his jelly beans since he knows they are DS's favorite (my father figures that since he doesn't eat vegetables, he can get his beans in other ways and dear dad stocks up on jelly beans at all times of the year.).  So my son brought the jelly beans home in the container.  When he opened the container in our smoke free house, we all almost gagged.  The smell was absolutely overwhelming.  My husband joked that now if we were missing Poppie we could just breathe in the canister.  Of course, that is after he marched us all off to the shower to get the smoke out of our hair and clothes.  So be warned, there is a new public health menace: third hand smoke.

Time is Relative - Einstein's Theory of Relativity

Einstein theorized that time is not a constant like we think of it.  There are ways to "adjust" the speed of time.  Most people believe that this theory is important to physicists, astronauts, etc., but that it doesn't really apply to themselves.  When are we going to loop around the sun or surpass the speed of light?  But I think this theory has a lot more relevance than we give it credit for.  For average people, we don't have to worry about "actual" changes in time, but perceived changes in time.  For example,  why when we are in times of extreme stress does time slow down and seconds seem eternal?  Why when we are doing something we enjoy does time speed by? Why is realizing that our perception of time is important?  Because we have one life.  Do we want our life to speed by or would you like to savor it?

How does time speed away? I find that we schedule it away.  Today for example, I am working on Advent and the Christmas Pageant.  How can I enjoy November if I'm already thinking of December?  I have harnessed this over scheduled beast a bit in my life, but somehow he still gets away from me once in a while.  But harnessing him, was a challenge, and it continues to be a challenge to keep him under control.  I find minimizing my schedule to be helpful.  Also, truly being in the moment to be the other secret.  If I am cooking, then I should be fully cooking and not thinking of the ten other things on my mind.  This is certainly a challenge especially for a mother, homeschooler, and community activist, but it is possible.

Today, challenge yourself to slow down.  I don't mean to take smaller steps, but let time slow. 

"Therefore do not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will worry about itself. Each day has enough trouble of its own."  NIV Matthew 6:34

Decorating Dilema

I keep looking in my kitchen nook thinking that I should put a small table there:

and then I swing my head 180 degrees and look at the kitchen counter.

 

Oh, no! The family does not need another place to dump things. I really must ask, "Why does a jacket belong on the kitchen counter?" Mind you I have a mud room with hooks for coats, there is another one not 10 feet farther, another set of hooks at the top of the cellar, and goodness forbid, they walk the 25 feet to the actual closet. What is it about empty flat spaces in a house that calls for people to fill it?  I think I'll leave the other corner to the animals.

A Woman's Weekend Alone

Ok,  all you people looking for a description of a wild, sexy weekend of partying based on this title, I suggest that you surf on,  you will find no such article here.  All of you mom's who think that you will never have one minute to yourself ever again, read on.  This weekend was a first in our house.  DH took both of the kids camping and I was left home alone with the the animals (thus the Movies that Make You Cry entry). I had an entire weekend to myself.  Granted Sunday, I walked with 20,000 other people in the Rays of Hope Breast Cancer Walk, but the rest of the weekend was mine.  You are probably thinking that this sounds heavenly.  What you wouldn't do just to be able to go to the bathroom without someone knocking on the door.  Let me tell you, it was ........................................................HORRIBLE! 

Yes, there were enjoyable points.  I watched a couple of chick flicks.  I got a lot of writing done.  I didn't have to fight for the remote or my blankets.  I didn't have to cook and there were practically no dishes.  But there was no laughter, no snuggling, no reason to make dinner, and no kisses goodnight.  I found myself aching for them to come home.  I missed my daughter prattling on and my son's bear hugs.  I wandered around the house wondering what I am ever going to do when they grow a little older and move out.  I felt serious empathy for my father who lives alone now and could not imagine enduring this boredom day in and day out for weeks, months, years.

So, I advise all you mothers who think you will never have another solitary uninterupted thought to appreciate it.  It will not be long until your little ones are out of the house, until their social calendars are busier than yours, until not only do you have a moment to breathe but seriously unending silence.  On those days, you'll miss the knocks, the laughter, and even the dishes.

I'm so glad that today they are home!

Movies that make you cry

It seems impossible when your kids are little that you will ever sit home without a single child calling your name, but it indeed will happen one day.  For me, that day is today.  The house is quiet and I'm curled up with just the animals, my computer, and a stack of movies.

I just finished Love Comes Softly and an entire box of tissues.  What a beautiful, simple love story.  Filmed by Michael Landon, Jr., I could almost imagine his father, Michael Landon, sitting in the wagon instead of Dale Midkiff.





I so enjoy movies like this: no blood and guts, no bare butts or breasts, no foul language.  I'm not a prude, but I'm sick of movies these days that I have to cover my 15 year old daughter's eyes or movies that bring even more evil into a world that has enough horrors of its own.  I appreciate movies that show love, compassion, and positive morals.  Even more, as a Christian, I appreciate the characters quietly espousing Christain values and tenants.  I look forward to even more movies like this one.  I think there is actually a large number of people looking for entertainment just like this.

Cons of Community Service

How you are raised can change your perception on life. I'm sure this statement doesn't surprise you, but I was surprised to see how pervasive it was the other day when the boys were discussing working with their Boy Scout troop to clean up garbage along the road. My biological son, who has been raised with a strong sense of community involvement, was excited to work on this project. He finds most things with the Boy Scouts fun and is fairly environmentally aware. My foster son, who has been bounced from house to house primarily in the city, thought the idea of getting together to pick up garbage to be the stupidest idea he had ever heard. He immediately associated it with being in trouble. You are only forced to clean up an area when a court mandates it. Fortunately, he relented, went, and had a grand time; but, his comments stuck. If he relates helping with court and consequences, who else does.

My family and I have always enjoyed helping others. We find that we receive far more than we give and I must admit, that we feel powerful when we do help. It is amazing how much one person can accomplish. So to think of community service as a negative was shocking to me, but certainly an interesting commentary on our society. I would be interested to see if others from his background feel the same. Certainly, the courts purpose is assigning community service is to repay what the guilty party took from society and also for them to see that their actions can have a positive impact. Perhaps though, what we are teaching is that community service is boring, troublesome, and something that it is to be left to people who misbehave. Hmmm! I don't think this is setting up a very positive association and may set the stage for complacency and future community inaction. I'm not sure what we should use as punishment for those who break the law and are being charged with community service, but maybe we better take a minute to discuss the message that we are sending when we do so.

Jenga game to teach about strengthening our family

We have been having a very hard time with DS2 matching his vocal tone with his actual feelings. He is pretty uninhibited about what he will say and he will often say even innocuous items in a very harsh tone. This can grate on one's soul far quicker than one would expect. So we decided to play a game with him. Everyone was given Jenga blocks and the rule was that if you made a positive comment in a positive voice, you could add a block. If you made a neutral comment in a neutral voice, you would neither add nor subtract. If you used a harsh voice or said something mean, then you would remove a block. A rule was made that no negative comments could be made about family members. A rule we should have made but did not was that when you remove a block it has to be at least two layers down. We also practiced a round of each type before we started the game.

The game took a little guidance to make sure that we had a good balance of taking and giving. Eventually as planned the building will crash or look very, very unstable. This is the time to discuss how the building is like a family and when we make negative comments it weakens the entire structure and sometimes while we may not mean to strike a very hurtful blow, we may unintentionally do so. There is no way to know how people "hear" your comments.

Interestingly, in our game, DS2 started using his extra blocks to create a second free-form building. I did not ask him to stop and when we ran short of blocks he did hand over blocks for us to use. Then I had asked him not to cause the building to fall over so that we could talk for a second, he chose to be a little crazy and not only did our building fall but also so did his. This was a fascinating opportunity to correlate his wants and desires to the success of the whole family and how not listening can also affect both. You could see immediately in his face that he saw exactly what we were saying. I tried to my best ability to put the "family" building back together the way it was before it crumbled and then we discussed the concept mentioned above about how we may think our hurtful comments are only minor but can be accepted by the other person as very, very hurtful. We then talked about strengthening the building and filling in the holes with positive comments to create a very strong structure.

I would like to figure out how too play other games like this to work on this skill, but I must say it has had a bit of an effect. It is an area we must continue to work on, but another positive step is taken.

Note: DH and I did this with DS2, I did not have the other kids join in as I think it would be too difficult to control the comments made.

Is Swearing a Problem?

Hint to stop a swearing problem: We have been facing a swearing problem with the newest member of our family. While in is relatively minor, it is definitively a problem. He has gotten in trouble at school for it, at sports activities, and at home. There is certainly no filter of what may be ok with one of the boys and how you speak to an adult. And he is very frustrated that we think swearing is a problem. He often wants to bait us into debating the rudeness of specific words. So the new phrase that has entered our home is “word choice – what would be a better word choice?” While at first he rolled his eyes, the rest of the family has really gotten into this and has started coming up with funny alternatives. For example, instead of the adding an expletive the end of a sentence, one could add “Oh, peanut butter and jelly”. We have also revived old phrases like “Oh, Jiminy”, “Gosh”, and “Goodness gracious”. Of course, we have also learned that it is not so much the words that you use, but how you use the words that really make something a swear.

The Importance of Mom

It is interesting a new insight that DS2 has brought to me. Each night before he goes to bed we pray. Each night I ask him what he would like to include in his prayers. Each night he is very adamant that my health be part of the prayers. Sometimes as a mom, we forget how important we are in a family. We make sure that everyone else is healthy, fed, and cared for and often we skip over ourselves in this process. What mother, when there is only one something, doesn't give it to their child? What mother doesn't walk around with her own illness as she cares for the little ones? What mother doesn't put her needs aside to fulfil the needs of the others in her family? Maybe DS2 has reminded us all that we should rethink this strategy.

It is so easy to think of others when we are a mom, but DS2 reminds us that without us there is no family. His request of God is a somewhat selfish (but very appreciated one). He wants me to stay healthy so that he can finally have a Mom.

As you care take everyone else in your family this year, remember this prayer and take a few extra minutes to care for yourself so that you will always be there to answer their prayers.

Time is still Ellusive and other things I have learned in our first week of foster parenting

First of all, this is actually moving into our second week as foster parents which goes to prove that time is elusive. Some how time is slipping through my fingers. We are intensive foster parents which means that DS2 came to us with "issues" and thus far each appointment that we have been to has spawned off at least one if not two new appointments. We have gotten him back to school and continued his involvement in basketball, while trying not to give our biological children a raw deal. This has certainly meant a little fancy dancing, a lot of driving, and the cancellation of some of DH and my scheduled activities. Somehow though, we are making it work.

Some of the lessons that I have learned over the last week are:

• Life would not be the same without DH.
• Laughter can dispel even the worst temper.
• A smile is contagious.
• The answer to WWJD is help a child.
• When two things battle for the same time slot on your calendar it is not a conflict but a matter of prioritization.
• Wording matters.
• DD and DS1 have been delightful children and DH and I are very lucky people.
• God's plans for your lives are bigger and brighter than anything you could have ever thought of.
• Dishes can wait.
• 2 kids + 1 kid = way less time, way more laundry & more dishes, and way, way more groceries.
• That being loved consistently without reservation is a right that all children deserve.
• When you are frustrated, take a breathe.
• I need a way bigger calendar!
• Being a mom is the most important job in the world.

and to steal a phrase from one of my favorite childhood songs:

"love is something if you give it away, you'll end up having more."

Becoming a Foster Parent

I know it has been almost a week - maybe even a week, but I think you will forgive me as this week we have added an extra child. We picked up our newest addition last Monday and I've barely sat down once. You would think one extra child would not make that much of a difference but it has. First of all when a new placement comes to your house there are responsibilities that you have regarding doctors appointments and such. In this case, each one seems to lead to another one. Plus, I believe that I have explained that we are not just doing traditional foster parenting but intensive foster care, where the children have additional issues. Some have been abused or neglected, some have additional medical needs, some have diagnosis like RAD (Reactive Attachment Disorder) or ADHD. I think the transition has gone as well as can be expected both for DS2, but also for our biological children. We have tried to have fun while also getting through the appointments necessary. Tomorrow, we have to battle with the schools. Due to this move, we live outside of the district that he is currently being schooled in, but since he has had so many traumatic transitions and he is currently successful in school, I am hoping to maintain this school. Please wish me luck. I am hoping with the promise of transportation the school will allow him this small bit of consistency. So needless to say, while things may be a little crazy for a bit, I think you will find that my posts have a whole new component to them. We are no longer a family of four but of five: a mom, a dad, two homeschooled-biological child, and one public schooled foster child. Plus, we can't leave out the dog and the cat.

Here is a prime example of our new mixed up life, DH and I will be celebrating our 18th wedding anniversary tomorrow, but between getting DS2 set up back at school, a therapist visit, basketball practice, and a book club, I don't think we are going to have a whole lot of celebrating time. So tonight, DH took me to the restaurant that we had our rehearsal dinner in 18 years ago today.

Of course who is taking the picture but the kids, who are happily eating their meal on the other side of the isle trying to be inconspicuous.

A Christmas Miracle

We are official now. We are officially a foster family. We received our letter yesterday, the same day that we had our meeting for our first possible placement. For now we just have to wait as "the system" does its job, but we are definately on the right track.

It is interesting that a friend recently made a comment that you know you are doing what you should when it brings tears to your eyes. As I sat at the table with all the associated social workers, telling them why we would be a good family for this child, and hearing all about his issues, I found myself tearing up. I was able to control the tears, but I had to stop to take a breath before the reality of this child's life overwhelmed me. So based on my friend's philosophy, we are doing what we should be. I just wish things would come together faster for both him and us.

So, I am asking you all again for a prayer. A prayer this holiday, as we sit with our family around us, that all the children in the world can feel God's love and that one by one each of these needy children will find a home and people that love them. Amen

How to make a perfect Gingerbread House

How do you make a perfect Gingerbread House? I think you pre-buy a built house. Some of you might like to build your house from scratch, but I prefer to make this a few hour project and not days.

Gather some candies:

Flick on the Christmas tree, light a fire, and find a sappy Christmas movie to play in the back.

Then, decoate with abandon.

This is the first year that I've been able to join in the decorating - check out my Chex Mix roof. The idea comes from an advertisement in Taste of Home Magazine (which by the way is a very inexpensive, but much enjoyed Christmas present).

I highly suggest that if you do not already incorporate gingerbread house decorating in your holiday plans that you add it now. In a busy time of hustle and bustle, gingerbread house decorating brings a bit of solice and family time.

Prayers for Michelle Duggar

Did you hear? The 19th baby of the Duggars was born. Unfortunately, the birth was three months premature. I'm sure the family could use some extra prayers.