I have to say that this first semester a seminary is tough. The school is tough, but what really is making it difficult is the balance - work, family, school is not an ideal equation. The other day when my poor son was complaining that he had hurt his finger, I actually contemplated how I was going to fit taking him to the doctor in my schedule (Good thing I made it a priority since it turned out to be a fracture).
One evening I had a bit of a breakdown when my loving husband commented that he had my back. I would say in general, he does, but as I was cooking dinner and the rest of the family was watching tv, I didn't feel like people had my back. I had a major paper due and needed to get some work done and yet, after a full day of work, I was still doing family work, before I could get to what I needed to. When my husband said, "Don't worry. I have your back." I responded rabidly, "NO, no you don't. If I'm here cooking, no one has my back." I think he knew he had kind of stepped in it. However, I will tell you that no one did come in to take over the domestic responsibilities.
It was at this point that God and I had a bit of a conversation. I wondered if this was just all a big mistake: I love begin in school and am fascinated by all that I am learning. I feel at home at the pulpit, but maybe this wasn't the right time. I thought, "I want this, but maybe God doesn't." Immediately, I felt, "I am you, and you are me. You feel you should do this because I want you to do this." I need to worry no more. . .But I don't think that it is going to make the work any easier, but it does bring a lot of peace.
So I ask you what God is inspiring you to do?
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1 comment:
hi dawn, came to ur blog thru gauri's and i love this post..especially ur last line...only i think sometimes it's very hard doing wot u think god wants u to do!! if u've figured out how to stay the course, tell me how...:)
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