How Church can stop your worrying

Last night and this morning, my neurons have been firing at an amazingly rapid rate.  Strangely, this is something that happens to me often just before my period.  PMS for me may mean a little testy, but it also means very productive. Sometimes the rapid fire, can make me a little giddy / punchy so I hope that you will get a bit of a laugh at the comic that I created after listening to this morning's sermon.  Take the time to read the scripture and take it cum grano salis.

Here's hoping you can find the real message and worry not : )

How Do You Know When You Are Old?

A definite sign that you are getting older is when you plan a date with your husband around going to the doctor.  DH and I don't get out too much alone, but we saw that we both needed to do blood work for the doctor. So, we planned a blood work date.  What does that mean?  That means that we are going to get up earlier than usual, go do our blood work, and then plan to have breakfast together before we both head in opposite directions for work.  DH joked that we are practicing for retirement.  I figure that you have to take it where you can get it.  If I have to squeeze in some time together at 7am and get a needle stuck in my arm for it, it is all worth it just to have a few minutes with my husband.  Plus, I have to admit I still appreciate someone holding my hand when I get a needle.  Ok, DH isn't the hold the hand kind of guy, but he make a few smart remarks and at least I'll laugh while they're taking my blood.

This week blood dates, next week AARP.  Where did the time go?

Third Hand Smoke

My son enlightened me on third hand smoke the other day.  "Mom, do you know what third hand smoke is?"

"I'm not sure what you are talking about."

"First hand smoke is when you smoke yourself.  Second hand is when you are breathing someone else's smoke.  Third hand smoke is the smoke that emanates off of couches and other fabrics for days or months after someone has smoked."

I'm never sure where he comes up with this information.  Lately, he's had all sorts of little nuggets from the John Tesh radio show which apparently he falls asleep to.  Suddenly, he'll tell me about how drinking water helps you lose weight or that apples really keep the dentist away not the doctor.  Dear Son has become just a wealth of knowledge. 

Of course sadly, we unwillingly did an experiment on third hand smoke the other day after visiting my father.  My dad had thoughtfully pulled all the yellow jelly beans out of his jelly beans since he knows they are DS's favorite (my father figures that since he doesn't eat vegetables, he can get his beans in other ways and dear dad stocks up on jelly beans at all times of the year.).  So my son brought the jelly beans home in the container.  When he opened the container in our smoke free house, we all almost gagged.  The smell was absolutely overwhelming.  My husband joked that now if we were missing Poppie we could just breathe in the canister.  Of course, that is after he marched us all off to the shower to get the smoke out of our hair and clothes.  So be warned, there is a new public health menace: third hand smoke.

No more toilet paper tubes

Have you heard?  Kimberly-Clark has announced that they will be removing toilet paper tubes from their toilet paper.  Technically, apparently they are called cores, but you know what I am talking about: the cardboard center of the toilet paper roll.

Apparently, toilet paper tubes, according to Kimberly-Clark's October 28th press release, toilet paper cores account for 160 million pounds of waste.  Of course my question is not why we are taking it out, but why didn't someone think of this earlier? And does this mean we are going to have less expensive toilet paper since this part is being removed?  And of course most importantly, how are we going to do all those Kindergarten crafts?

My next question is, when will someone be innovative enough to do the same thing with paper towel rolls?

My son is an evil genius

So one the issues that I have with DS2 is his determined obstinance. He wants control of all parts of his life even if the control hurts him in the long run. But I must say that today's example of this control was genius and glaringly shows where public school, and frankly adults in general, sometimes mis-fire in their plans to control kids' behaviors.

So once again we headed to school. Once again, he didn't grab a coat. He did have a fleece pullover but no jacket. I expressed my continued frustration about this to which he responded, "Don't worry. I have it all worked out. I don't have to go out for recess."

I thought for a moment not sure how to respond. I could tell that there was more to this story.

"The cover to my Social Studies book cover is ripped and so I don't have to go outside until it is repaired. I have it all worked out."

Hmmmm! I guess the school got him ; ) Can't do what he doesn't want to do until he fixes what he distroyed. I'm thinking that it will be fixed just about when the first tulip peeks through the ground.

I couldn't help but chuckle. He is an expert in using our own logical powers against us. I did go on to talk about how his master plan may backfire, but he doesn't yet have the forethought to see the downside. He did agree to bring the book home to be recovered, but I'm not sure how long that will last.

If you use the Dr. Phil phrase, "How did this behavior work for you?" I think the answer would be "very well" which I don't think is exactly what the school was going for when they imposed this rule.

12 Days of Homeschooling

A little early for holiday songs, but this is too funny not to share. And I can tell you that I have heard everyone of these comments.

Science Curriculum

You that homeschool that homeschool will find this humorous. DD was coming to the end of her Science books and so last night I went on Christian Book and ordered her a new set of Science and Social Studies (she is almost done with those). So this morning, she decided that if she really pushed, she could finish her Science book and then have a few days with no science since her books were not scheduled to arrive for 3-5 days. So as she promised she finished her Science books at about 11:00am this morning.

Now you may think that that is my tale today and appreciate that we all find our inspiration in different ways, but this is actually a humerous tale and one with a cautionary message. At a little after noon, the UPS truck pulled up to our house with her new Science books.

Moral: Do count your chickens before they hatch OR don't count on being free from Science before the UPS truck comes.

What to do if you develop CRS?

Have you ever heard the phrases:

• He isn't the sharpest knife in the drawer.


• She isn't the bightest light bulb.


• One french fry short of a happy meal.

Well, my kids have come up with a new one for me. "Mom, go flip the fish sticks."

The other day, I was making fish sticks. The kids were in the kitchen. I was doing other things. I turned the timer on and left the room. When the timer went off I went back to flip the fish sticks - - -problem being that I hadn't even put them in the oven. Ooooppps! The kids thought it was very funny though.

I would really begin to worry about Alzheimer's except the next day when we were going hiking and needed a compass. I was the only one who knew where it was. It isn't mine. I wasn't the last one to use it. It wasn't in my dresser. But, I knew exactly where it was.

So apparently the important things like feeding my family - forget it; but obscure crazy things - I've got it covered.

My Heritage Birthday Reminder

I thought that you would find this funny. The other day, my husband received this email the other day from My Heritage:

Dear DH,


This is an automatic notification from Our Family Name Web Site on MyHeritage.com
Here are the upcoming events in your family:

Coming up tomorrow

September X 2009


39th birthday of Dawn


Dawn is your wife

It was the last line that made him laugh. . .as if he needed to be reminded that I was his wife. Then he thought of how he would take the email if we were in the middle of a heated divorce. Thanks My Heritage for the good laugh.

Mystery Solved

DS has noticed that on many of our taller glasses a ring has shown up about ½ the way up the side of the glass. The line is actually etched into the glass. He noticed not in one glass in many. I somewhat dismissed it when he showed me at first, but then I noticed he was right. It wasn’t just on one glass but on many of the taller glasses. I wondered where such a ring could come from.

Today as I stood at the sink washing the dishes for the millionth time (the dishwasher doesn’t work in the new house). It suddenly all became very clear to me. My hand was pushed into the glass trying to get the dried on juice or milk or whatever out of the bottom. I swished right and left, trying to get the sponge down into all of the crevices. CLINK. I stopped dead. It was me. I was making the mark. It was just like all of those Encyclopedia Brown books that I read as a child. The answer was right in front of me. On my right hand, I wear a ring that was given to me by my mother that her aunt once gave her. My ring was etching the glass as I twisted the sponge on the bottom. The mystery was solved.

What did you say? Hearing Problems

Ok, so I am officially old. My hearing has gone completely. DD on the way home this evening asked me what we are doing tomorrow. I told her that nothing was in the plans. She said, “Good then I can read Beowulf.” I heard, “Good, then I can eat bagels.”

To which I responded, “With melon.”

I cannot even describe the giggles that broke out in the backseat. “With melon? I can read Beowulf with melon, Mom. What are you talking about?”

I tried to dig myself out of the hole by explaining what I thought she had said, but they could not let it go there. DS had to pipe in, “That is almost as bad as last week when I asked for the nail clippers and she asked me why I wanted a hamburger.”

DD added, “You should have heard her the other day, ‘Who ate your seeds?’ I had told her that I was waiting for my seeds to GERMINATE, but she thought someone ate them. She went on and on about someone eating my seeds.”

Everyone really had a good laugh at my expense. I quietly thought of all the times I used to make fun of my mother for not hearing me. I thought she might be having a good laugh in heaven listening to this conversation. And then I joined them in a good laugh about the whole situation.

Amusing Sign

I have driven by this sign several times and I have to tell you that it gives me a chuckle every time I see it.

If pedestrians are not to use the sidewalk, then who exactly is the sidewalk for? And how about the bench?

Back from the Vineyard

My life is longer now. They say laughter asks minutes to your life. If that is true then I added weeks if not whole months in the past couple of days. Martha's Vineyard was fantastic.

Some of the best lines from the week:

While reading Trivial Pursuit questions at a restaurant, "What is the name of a field purposely left unplanted for a year while the soil replenishes?"

Emphatically, one of the mom's responds, "Family Feud". We have no idea what she thinks she heard, but we all got a good laugh. The real answer, by the way, was "Fallow".

A poster we read, "Put on your Granny Panties and Get over it". I'm still not sure why the girls thought this was so funny, but it became their mantra for the weekend.

While looking at a beautiful pie plate with an Irish Soda Bread recipe in the center, I commented, "I wonder why they put this in a round plate?"

One of the mom's, "Because when you put the dough into and bake it, the bread will come out that way."

A look of wonder and a wave of laughter overtook me and one of the other moms, "I don't think that is quite what she meant."

I'll try to share some more of our wonderful trip tomorrow, including information about two of my favorite shops & one of the best artists I have ever seen.

Pen Twirling

You have to watch this all the way through. I just saw it on Regis and Kelly. It is a great way to start your day with a laugh.



Remember when your mother told you to unplug the toaster before you used a knife to get out your English muffin or some other stuck item. Apparently now a days, you need to add a warning about unplugging the light before you try to pull out your pen.

10 Things to Remember When You Move

1. The adage ,"you can never have enough", is WRONG! Keep in mind with every purchase that you make and every gift that you get, some day you may need to move it. If that doesn’t curb your enthusiasm on the new whatchmacallit, then you haven’t moved enough to truly understand the implications.

2. Furniture is way overrated. The 1st apartment décor of a couple of milk crates takes on a new allure. At least I could have flipped them over and used them to pack things in. (No more solid wood furniture)

3. Hire a mover. They are worth every penny. Instead we are paying with my husband’s back. Two prescriptions and back exercises later, he still isn’t walking quite right.

4. Put the cat in the carrier first thing in the morning. Moving is as tumultuous for animals as it is for humans. The difference is that we can’t hide in small unreachable places. It is very awkward to have to go back to the house after you sold it to try to coax your cat out.

5. Start saving boxesnow even if you don’t have a move planned. It seems to me to be the epitome of waste to buy boxes, plus it is an added expense when every penny counts.

6. Leave one box unopened from every move and then when you move next time it will be like Christmas. We found one such box. My son said, “Mom, why didn’t you tell me we had this?” As if I remembered that I had it from 12 years ago.

7. Don’t pack too early or risk your husband stripping open all of your nicely packed boxes looking for something or the other option is don’t make ham so that he doesn’t need the KitchenAid meat grinder. And in this market, if your house is on the market longer than you expected, you might need your winter jacket again.

8. Label everything. Dear Husband was pleasantly surprised to find the meat grinder neatly labeled in one of the “kitchen” boxes. He apologized for opening the other 15 boxes without reading what was written.

9. Call the people that offered you help. People will offer help and you will nod acceptingly knowing that you would never impose on someone. Note, they are offering because they have moved and done the same thing and have paid the price.

10. Think small. Instead of trying to conserve boxes and fit more in less, fit less in more. Your back will thank you.

11. Reconcider the move.

An Inconvenient Ruth & Do you Know?

Work isn't always work.



An Inconvenient Ruth - video powered by Metacafe

But then sometimes, it is:



These are both from work today.

Let me know your thoughts.

Political Joke of the Day

Ask anyone today, “Who is the president of the United States?”

Undoubtedly, the will say, “Obama”

Then you can catch them. Inauguration is not until January. The President is still George W. Bush. I already got both the kids.

Can You Run a Better Campaign?

I think that you have probably noticed that I am a bit of political junkie and I certainly enjoy political humor. If you do, check out Cafe Press. They are having a contest for political slogans and designs. No matter which side you are on, you should have a good laugh. If you are witty or an artist, perhaps you can add your own design or slogan - there are prizes.

Stupid Signs in America

I have got to share with you a sign that the kids and I saw yesterday as we drove around MA looking for house. Granted we were in the booneys, but this seems to be one of those unneccessary signs. "When cattle in road STOP". I've got to tell you that I'm not really sure what the other options would be. Cars may be bigger than cattle, but they would make a heck of a speed bump.

Pictures Not To Include in Your MLS Listing

I know that I have mentioned the blog It’s a Lovely Listing. Any day that you are at all blue, check it out and you are guaranteed a smile. If you are selling or buying, you absolutely will laugh out loud. As we’ve been on our house hunt, here are a couple of pictures that have surprised me:

This picture is from Brimfield, MA. I actually sent this one to Lovely Listings. I thought it was the visual equivalent to "Has everyone gone to the bathroom before we go out?" I figure that is way better to think of than what someone might find if they walked in the other way. Who comes up with these designs?

This one is actually from a beautiful house which I hope to tour in Oakham, MA. My question is though, with such a beautiful fireplace why wouldn't you move the table for the picture?

No, I haven't driffed away from my topic. This is an actual picture from a MLS listing in Paxton, MA. Why exactly is a picture of a world map supposed to inspire me to buy this house? And what room is this in? Very odd.

Finally, from Woodstock, CT - They say a picture says a 1,000 words. I'm thinking this one is saying " Run Run Run Run Run Run Run Run Run ....." I'm thinking there may not even be a reason for a home inspection. And frankly this is the best picture of the grouping on this listing.

If you are crawling through the MLS and are frustrated, let me know what gets to you. Share with us any that give you a laugh. And don't forget to visit Lovely Listing. Not only do the pictures make her sight, but her comedic writing makes sure you will laugh.